Awesome weekend!

Central Alabama Chrysalis Flight #42/ Journey #7 was a great success. I had the privilege of being an assistant table leader for the journey table, and I gave "The Prodigal" talk. I've given a lot of talks in the past, but that was definitely the hardest yet. It's easy to get up and tell people how they should live their life, like in "Christian Growth Through Study" or "Christian Action". But with this talk, I had to just lay my life and my past out in the open for everyone to see. I shared some very painful things that I've never shared with anyone, let alone almost 50 people. It was really hard, but soooo rewarding. First of all, I gave a lot of emotional baggage over to God that night. I've just kept all these feelings of guilt, resentment, anger, and pain bottled up inside. I feel like I've finally allowed God to take my past and send it where it belongs- to the bottom of the deepest ocean floor. I know that with His help, I can forgive those I haven't forgiven, including myself. I saw so many girls break down that night after my talk. They literally nailed their sins and obstacles to the cross. Knowing that so many people are moving closer to Christ makes everything I've experienced completely worth it. I firmly believe that God had a purpose for every single thing that has happened in my life. I didn't always understand it, but it all played a part in bringing me to where I am today. I know I'm not as mature in my faith as I possibly could be, but God has given me an ability to trust him through ANY circumstances. I seriously doubt that I would have this amount of faith if I hadn't experienced so many painful trials and circumstances. Because of that, I can honestly say that if I was given the chance to go back in time to change the past, I would have to decline. I'm not saying I haven't made mistakes that I regret more than anything, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God's plan for my life has unfolded in HIS own mighty, omnipotent way. It would probably sound crazy to some people, but I thank God for the pain I've known because it's made His power seem that much more glorious.

I Could Sing of Your Love Forever....

I've been hearing stories of what Heaven is going to be like for years and years. You got the streets of gold, saints of old, and all that great stuff. But the main thing Heaven's going to be centered around is worshipping God for all eternity. I'm not going to lie, when I was younger I didn't understand how that could be paradise. I have a pretty small attention span, so the thought of worshipping forever and ever seemed like it would get really monotonous. I was picturing a regular Sunday morning service, and to a kid that can definitely be discouraging when imagining sitting there for all eternity. The first time the true meaning of it hit me at a concert in Atlanta a couple of years ago. The David Crowder Band started things off, followed by Mercyme. Michael W. Smith set things on fire. I remember not thinking about anything but singing those songs. I didn't care what time it was; time pretty much flew by. And before long, they said goodnight and left the stage. I just kind of stood there. It felt like the concert had just started, but it had been about three hours. I was just waiting for all the bands to come back on stage...but they never did. I didn't want it to end! Then it finally hit me. That's Heaven. There won't be any sense of time. I can just worship forever and ever...and this go around, the bands won't leave the stage. Another misconception I had was that Heaven was about me. We think of Heaven as a "reward" for living a Christian life. While this is somewhat true, it's not about us. It's all about God and continuing to bring glory and honor to his name. He's calling us to do that in this life, and He's calling us to do the same all throughout eternity. It wasn't until I truly experienced pure worship that I caught a glimpse of what Heaven might be like. It's just so awesome to "come back to the heart of worship," where it's all about Jesus. Just pure, honest, worship to God. Man, it's so powerful. And the more I experience that intimate heart of worship, the more excited I become about having the privilage of doing it forever...and ever...amen.

A very comtemplative thought

Well, it's 4:30 in the morning and I should probably be sleeping considering I have to leave in 3 hours, but I have this very challenging thought running through my head. It's really deep, and I've never discussed it with anyone before. I'm not sure if they would understand where I'm coming from with the idea. But I've decided to share it in the hopes of finding an answer to a very comtemplative thought. Here goes nothing. Try to keep up.

Okay...

I hate onions....and I hate sour cream....but I love sour cream and onion chips.

Isn't that mind boggling!?

Kids rock

Tonight I went to visit my cousins (Ted and Gina Wilson) who live right down the road from my apartment, and I had the wonderful privilage of hanging out with their grandson and my little cousin, Nathan. He is just the cutest thing ever!

I snapped the picture with my phone; isn't technology awesome? Anyway. His parents (Molly and Rod) came to pick him up so I got to hang out with them for a while too. Plus I got a new babysitting job. I absolutely love hanging out with kids. It's just so simple. A game of hide and seek can keep them entertained for hours. I guess I enjoy it so much because we're about on the same mentality level :op . But really, kids just want to have fun. I'm really looking forward to having kids...no time soon, of course, but I can't help but be excited.

I'm so bored right now. It's 9:30 and I have absolutely nothing to do. There's a lot I should be doing, like studying for A&P or writing my talk that has to be critiqued Saturday. But I even procrastinate about procrastinating, so I guess I'll go watch some TV. It's off to work at 7:30 in the morning to clean the waterpark for an hour, teach swim lessons to a kid named Cade (he really doesn't like to cooperate so that should be fun), hit the stand to protect the wonderful people of Auburn, then head straight to my 3 1/2 hour long class. Hopefully I won't have to get too wet in the morning. It's really annoying sitting there in a wet swimsuit for that long. I'm rambling (as usual) so I'll say goodnight and God bless!

For Your Glory

I've been toying around with a melody on my guitar for like, a year now, and I finally wrote some words to go with it. It's not finished, so I'll post the second verse and bridge when I get around to actually writing it.

For Your Glory

V1
I don't have much to offer
To the king of all kings
But I'm bowing down before you
And this sinner's heart is all I have to bring

So Lord, if you are willing
To use a wretch like me
I will never rest until your will is done
Lord, this is my offering.

Chorus
For your glory
I will climb the highest mountain
I will swim the deepest ocean
Go wherever you may lead

For your glory
I will pay the price to follow
And I will gladly give my life to one day see...
Your glory....

Amazing Grace

I've heard all about grace; justifying grace, prevenient grace, amazing grace, and so on. And I've always been totally blown away by every type of grace. I know that it's only by grace that I'm breathing; it's only by grace that I'm saved; it's only by grace that one day I'm going to be in paradise. I know without a doubt that I'll never be able to fully understand how much grace I receive every single day because I'll never understand the unconditionalness of God's love for me. As hard as I try, my love here is conditional. My love for certain people wavers in response to events and circumstances. I will NEVER be able to comprehend why he loved me enough to send his son to die a brutal death on a tree, knowing that I would sin against him time and time again. That much grace is just not measureable. And even though I'm so amazed by his grace, I tend to become complacent with grace. Even though I don't understand his love, I know it's there. And even though I don't understand his forgiveness, I know that's still there too. I just go on living my life day to day, and I don't even remember to acknowledge the one giving me my every breath. I say that everything I do is for the glory of God and not myself, and I even pray for that before any talk I give or leading worship. But I can't help but question myself. Are people really seeing the face of God when they look into my eyes? Are my actions reflecting Christ? I know without a doubt that the answer to both of those questions is "no" quite often, and that terrifies me. I know it's not possible for me to be perfect, but I don't want to use the fact that I'm human as an excuse for sin. My biggest fear is to be viewed as a hypocrite and turn someone away from God. I've just got to remember (and stress to others) that the Christian life isn't about being perfect...it's about being forgiven.

I've sung "Amazing Grace" more times than I could ever count, but just like I tend to be complacent with actual grace, I also tend to be complacent with the song.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind, but now I see.

Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed...

You know, it's amazing just how powerful grace is. The song says, "How precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed." Well, I think grace appears much more precious as time goes on. Because as time goes on, I sin more and more...and God's love never falters. My prayer is that I never dismiss his amazing love enough to become complacent with grace. How precious does that grace appear indeed.

Here we go

Well, I've decided to start yet another blog. I just love that word...blog. My other journal site is more of just an account of what I do; I want this one to focus more on my actual thoughts and feelings. Yes, I am capable of thought when I try hard enough. So we'll just see what happens!